I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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