I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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