I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
