The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
