I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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