distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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