One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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