i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
