I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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