Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
