I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
