Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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