all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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