The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I skipped work to stalk him.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
