Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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