just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
