Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i drank out of a bidet.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
