Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
