I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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