I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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