I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
