were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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