My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
this is an emotional support booty call
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
