I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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