my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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