the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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