WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm going to jail i love you
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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