how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
