Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
