I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
