May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
