I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
