She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
