girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
