U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
