dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
