We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
