You made me cry and you don't even care
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
