my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
