My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
