and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
