What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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