This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
