my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
