Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
