so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
