is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
