Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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