i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
A+ Viking dick
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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