They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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