whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
