guys are not supposed to queef...right?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
