Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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