is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We smell like vodka and hangover
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
