Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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