I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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