U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
