...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
