i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
